What This Is:

This week was planned to be an abnormally HUGE injection of wrestling folks! I covered the T.L.C. PPV (which was the best I have watched since WrestleMania). We get a 3 hour RAW, And TNA…. then I realized it was super long, so I am dividing it into two parts. No Dave Meltzers needed at Project Wonderboy!!
Check next week for Smackdown, ECW, Tribute to the Troops, potentially the weekend shows AND possibly the TNA Final Resolution PPV (provided I can find a stream online). Geez…

This Week’s Shows (Dec. 13 – 17, 2009):

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TLC PPV:

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- Due to my computer being fussy, I lost most of my original review… I don’t REALLY own a time a machine, so here’s a quick run down of what I can salvage:

-ECW title match with Benjamin challenging Christian. Saved the following from the chatroom: …damn they are stopping the match to patch up Christian… fucking PG. He opened up the hard way in his left eye… oww… Crowd is chanting, “We want blood!” …reverse ddt from top of a tall ladder on Benjamin! Benjamin’s hanging from the belt mid air… Christian pulls the same stunt… ladder setup between ring-announce table.. Christian top rope splash throu Ben on ladder which splits in two… Christian for the win! It the feed cuts out, I just saw the match of the night

- McIntyre wins the IC title off of Morrison in another excellent bout. This showed us how good McIntyre really is! This was a traditional match.

- Sheamus meets with McIntyre backstage and tells him he will win the title in a waste of a PPV segment. Meh…

-McCool retains vs Mickie James was okay at best… but also a piss break ensued.

-Cena lost to Shaemus and we have a new champion! Awesome match. The end it in a controversial way so that it appears that Cena may have just fell on his own through the table. Well, that’s how the announcers try to sell it, the reality is that he went through a table, so intent means nothing. You made the stipulations WWE, don’t try and change it now… Yay superman lost!

- Ok, so I get back to reviewing in time for Taker battle Batista in a chairs match. The match can only be won by pinfall and submission.. Two big guys that can’t do too much… normally. Taker usual IS money in PPV matches… lets see where it goes.. Not too bad, Taker is actually moving at normal speed… chair shot on Taker to the head, no he does not put his hands up… direct shot KO leads to Batista winning the title… Teddy Long kyboshes the ending and restarts the match! Taker basically ends it quick and retains!

- We are getting Orton/Kofi next… backstage we get Legacy confronting Kofi… he dismisses them and says Orton is a coward, then says fuck you guys and walks the corridor to tell him too his face. Now THAT was a momentum building backstage segment folks…

- So far this PPV is easily one of the best of the year… say what you want about gimmick PPV’s, but this one has worked well…
FROM THE PHORUMS CHATROOM:

Gunsage: “You gon’ get RAPED Kofi.”

J: “Yes he will.”

G: “I am going with Kofi unless Legacy interferes…”

- Kofi just took a huge bump off the guard rail in this traditional match (see TNA? A gimmick PPV doesn’t mean EVERY match is a gimmick). Kofi is getting murdered, but Orton savors his beatdown and Kofi manages some offense. Nice suicide dive on Orton to the outside… Beautiful crossbody splash on Orton, amazing hangtime by Kingston… Kofi lands his boom-boom punch thing… and calls for the band in his own unique way and hits his trouble in paradise finisher to no avail… drags Orton back into the ring, oh shit Orton hits a DDT with Kingston’s feet suspended off the middle rope. You know only Tommy Dreamer and RVD sells a DDT this good… PUNT TO THE HEAD on Kofi! Doesn’t go for the pin…. Now Orton is in viper-hunt mode, and hits the RKO and gets the win. Sick match!

- Well done Gunsage and J, you guys get the bragging rights on me…

- Batista is bitching to Teddy Long about being robbed and tells him he will make it right…

FROM THE PHORUMS CHATROOM:

J: I hate the punt to the head. There’s only one sort of punt that should be in wrestling, and it involves a baby

G: Ha ha…. Snitzky!! That was classic!

Danman: Gene Snitsky was so underrated. And the bad poetry. That’s why I would have loved to see a permanent Heidenreich/Snitsky team.

J: YES. Him and Heidenreich were awesome for the like 5 minutes they were together

- Next up is the mainevent with DX taking on Jerishow for the tag titles in a TLC match… predictions? I’m with Jerishow retain since DX doesn’t need them, so I will be likely wrong…

FROM THE PHORUMS CHATROOM:

J: Bah. Jerishow is sorta awesome, so DX will win because they suck. LOGIC WILL PREVAIL

DanMan: Jerishow will win but under some bullshit circumstance that will kill their heat.

Gunsage: DX <–––- Kinda looks like the time I got blueballed.

- A bit of clusterfuck to start as the opponents separate… Y2J tries an early Walls of Jericho on HBK as the announcers keep reminding us its HBK's hometown… Shawn drops an toprope elbow, but Jericho is too smart for that early retarded shit and rolls the fuck away… meanwhile Hunter throws Show into the entryramp screen, Y2J runs in to help Show… Y2J is there now too.. its all outside ring action baby!! Nice, Y2J and HBK smash chairs together like swords! Show is the only one standing, and we're only like 5 minutes in. He hasn't even GOT in the ring yet…

- I wonder if Show feels left out since he doesn't have a three letter acronym for a nickname?

- Sick double team ladder smash on a fallen Y2J… Y2J baseball slidekicks a ladder into HBK… Jerishow is taking WAY too much time with this, they are both A-ok and may have wasted … HHH is suspended upside down in a ladder against the corner ropes and Jerishow 180 flips him into him!!! Sweet!

- Hunter reverses a Show chokeslam and setsup HBK to land his toprope elbow… calls for the band, but gets a …. a fuck it, lets just say everybody takes someone else's finisher… Show gets up first and sets up a ladder which is doubtful to support his weight, no worries though, HHH eats a steel chair as Show starts climbing… DX takes him down and the two help each other land a pedigree on Show…

- Y2J tips the ladder with HBK at the top of it, he falls to the outside onto the Big Slow! That was awesome! Y2J attempts to get the titles, nope, HHH tries, nope. The fattest guy in the ring tthrows the ladder out of the ring because… umm… thats how you win? WTF? I guess they broke that one, so more clusterfuck fun continues!

- Show choke slams HBK through HHH through an upright table! Nice. Y2J stands on Shows shoulders instead to try and grab the title. All the ladders are broken so HHH holds half of a ladder allowing HBK to get the titles. FUCK DX wins, and doesn't NEED the one. The first time ever that DX has held the titles. I guess Hunter needed it more. It would have been a FAR better finish (and more innovative) if Y2J standing on Show's shoulders had grabbed the belts. You can't pull a finish off like that often, if ever!! Gay.

Final Thoughts: Best PPV in a LONG time. And it's a good thing I don't bet on matches because I completely lost on both of my predictions. It was nice to include some phorum chat comments in the review since I never watch this stuff live normally. Kudos to J, Gunsage, and Danman for getting involved in spontaneous predictions!

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RAW Slammy Awards edition

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- After what turned out to be an awesome PPV last night, I expect to be pretty jaded for this 3 hour show… 3 hours? …sigh.

- I guess to be superstar of the year, the four nominees fight a playoff style king of the ring tournament for the title of slammy wrestler of the world…

Will he be as funny as I remember when he was the anchor on SNL?… we’ll see.

- Dennis Miller is out to start and does some standup/host role of the “awards” show…I enjoyed this, but from the sounds of the crowd, Miller’s style of humour was predictably lost on most…

- Tagteam Slammy goes to Jerishow. Good. They were pretty dominant this year, so it makes sense and the two make a good speech and envoke the rematch clause for tonight.

- Regal, Zeke, Vlad challenge Christian to find two partners to fight, and he brings out Kane and Khali. Too bad Christian is pretty hurt, this will be a bad match… going 2/5 FFW speed folks! Short thankfully!

- Miller is back, cuts some slammy intro. Tiffany with Teddy Long to give the breakout star of the year to Sheamus. And it should be considering who was nominated and who won the WWE championship last night. Makes sense… don’t know why Abraham Washington was nominated though…

- I get distracted during his acceptance speech by this example of awesome, new Skeletor is…!!! Yeah!

- Orton, Taker, Cena and CM Punk are shown in highlights as the potential superstar of the year. If there is any justice, it will go to Punk… so it won’t.

- Kofi vs Cod-dust… err Cody Rhodes. Expect a run in by the other Legacy boys… can’t see this being a long match… its not Dibiase runs in, as does the ever awesome Evan Bourne and Miller makes it restart as a tag match! Double suicide dive by Kofi and Evan onto Legacy as we go to commercial. Ok, maybe things just got good?

Because sometimes things go really bad…

- We’re back… and it ends short anyways and Bourne eats a sweet looking spin DDT thing by Rhodes. I guess Bourne is never going beyond jabroni status, huh?

- I am enjoying the production for the Slammies with the lighting, announcers, etc. “…why didn’t someone just tell me to yell ‘suck it’ and you’re a genius?” Says Miller as he introduces Santino and Vicki to introduce and award the Shocker of the year.

- The winner is CM Punk for retiring Jeff Hardy. Damn, he won’t get superstar of the year for sure now…

- Punk gets some mic time before his match. Heel perfection as usual! Lawler calls Sheamus winning last night the shocker of the year… I am sure McMahon is screaming in his headset, “Jerry, are a fucking retard?!?! We literally JUST GAVE THAT TO CM Punk!!” Echos of “Apple Dough” are heard throughout the arena as Punk will fight and lose to Cena (I hate this) and advance. And Punk submits pretty much right away, what the hell is this, TNA? Every match is like 30 seconds!!

Every match so far…

- Cena cuts a post match promo for his road to WrestleMania starts now. He declares he will not lose another match until he is champ again… what a retard, why not just envoke his rematch clause? Does this mean we already know the mainevent outcome? Lame.

- Miller to HHH to give out match of the freakin’ year… goes to HBK/Taker at WM. HBK comes out to accept the award (where the fuck is Undertaker since HE won). HBK more or less calls out Taker for a rematch in the acceptance speech for WrestleMania. The road to WM is starting very early this year.

This road looks appealing, but maybe the build will not be worth it…

- Undertaker (WHC) vs Orton for the other round 1 match in the Slammy tournament. If Taker loses here, he makes his title look weak. If Taker wins, we get Cena/Taker… So even in that situation we have booking problems. Cena just declared he won’t lose speech versus the SD championship status… Lame, again!

Using your head is important

- To “remedy” this, we get an almost double countout on both men… Orton gets into the ring and Taker gets counted out. Legacy runs in and Taker overpowers them, lays out Orton while chasing off Legacy. ANOTHER short match… still looks bad on the champ…

- AND BAD FOR THE FANS! Now we get Orton versus Cena, that’s novel!

- Vince McMahon is out for the next presentation. He actually calls the audience lousy for being quiet.

HEY VINCE: these people paid good money to see some wrestling, but you blink and its over!

- Guest host of the year goes to Bob Barker. Yeah, I’d agree with this. Cut to pretaped acceptance speech. Barker shills his book (proceeds to charity) and delivers a classy speech). Vince and Dennis banter afterwards about who would be a good future host for the show: BRET THE HITMAN HART! Dennis Miller asks the crowd? You know what just happened. Big cheers! McMahon walks off looking pissed. THAT was fun to watch for show.

- Great writing and acting here! Where’s my long match? One please? Don’t fuck me with a slow and plodding one either…

- Dennis Miller runs into Y2J backstage… nice. You know, that may have been the best interchange the any host has had with Jericho yet. Miller completely tore apart passively agressively and in his classic delivery. Awesome unless you hate his comedy (lots of big words and new savvy required, so therefore those who make smarks ashamed to admit they watch). SMARTHY!!

I wonder how long somebody’s clone lost in the woods surrounded by drunk bears could survive. Not long likely… just might die out there… SMARTHY

- DX vs JeriShow – Hunter gets DQ’d right away attacking the ref to DQ and keep the titles… cut a classic style promo afterwards reminding Y2J that he can no longer appear on RAW. DX calls out all the Faces to help throw him out and they are ALL WEARING DX merch… sell me the fuck out WWE Shopzone… this just in! It was still awesome bit even though we got robbed of a match again.

- If this is the end of the JeriShow team, I have to admit, Y2J remains the most variant, yet long term storyline character for a few years. Every one of his feuds has been well thought out stories with good matches. This was a good one too! Even though it had to be altered due Edge’s injury (a shame for sure!), adding Big Show was brilliant. The guys had some great chemistry.

- Carlito, Boob Dance Masters and Eve present Extreme Moment of the Year Slammy… MATT HARDY!! YES!!! LOLCATZ!!! VAMPIRES!!!

…on behalf of Jeff Hardy going through a huge ladder to table.. great spot actually… Carlito attacks Matt and accepts the award for himself, cut funny as hell speech until Boob Dance attacks him and Matt retaliates… well at least Carlito has not been future-endeavored yet… yet… yet…

- Yet, another (30 second?) match McIntytre/The Miz/Ryder vs Morrison/Yoshi Tatsu/Hand*

* “Hand is the second generation son of Mark Henry and Mae Young

- No, it’s Mark Henry… and its also TNA tonight as the match lasts -32.3 seconds. Next up is a 7 on 7 Diva match as they CRAM it in to destroy the point of a wrestling show in lieu of an awards show.

- I guess the only positive here is that the performers actually are getting semi-down time during a 12 month schedule. I’d be a bit pissed if I paid for a ticket tonight… and at the same time the last four events I’ve been to, I’ve gotten to for free! I even turned a RAW in Calgary down too! I knew the card sucked.

- Yeah, it’ll be another match time lost thing for the Diva of the year who is… FFW… as we get Golddust and MVP to tell us (ha ha, good pairing! fucking funny interchanges!!!) The winner was who cares… until Batista Kanye West’s her. Basically shills himself getting screwed for his match the other night (read TLC in this post above). Meh… fine, it was Maria.

- God help us all, its Abraham Was… not worth typing… Wait, Big Dick Johnson cuts a well spoken British actor shtick award for “Oh My!” Moment of the Year goes to … c’mon HBK superkicks a child (saw that live for free last August, funniest part of the show AND pretaped)…. Michael Cole vomits gets the win. Cole runs to the podium like he’s Stephen Colbert introducing a guest… I like that he gives credit to JR, but then he basically implies that say goodbye Boomer Sooner… Please be wrong asshole.

- Dennis Miller says goodnight moon.

3 hours!!

- He did do a good job as a host tonight. Maybe the best to date. Then we get more DX… they sell WWE products..

- In a first ever… sheesh… Orton vs Cena…

Pretty much…

Final Thoughts: This RAW felt like TNA booking for most of the show; too many segments mixed with too many segments. I can understand the strategy behind the pacing since they really tried to emulate the Emmys/Oscars/etc award show feel. The award, then a musical guest, award, guest, etc. model was basically switching “guest” with “match.” On the plus side, as production, announcing, a good guest host for this type of awards show emulation were excellent. Good writing for promos generally. Miller likely polarized fans and smarks alike. His comedy is an acquired taste, you either love or hate him. Since the show was filmed to come across as an awards show more than a wrestling show, Miller was perfect for the role.

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TNA

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- Aiyeet! It is time for the go ahead show prior the weekend’s TNA PPV.

- We start off with Mick Foley attacking Kevin Nash during a off air pre tape segment… then world elite jumps in and beats down Foley… no real explanation = typical TNA… sigh

- Roxxi is back! I love this chick, as he can bring the hardcore and does not fit the cookie cutter style “diva” of the WWE…

- Backstage to Angle who is asked about the return of Double J to TNA who simply turns away in disgust… will they play off the Karen Angle dilly?

- Roxxi battles ODB (current champ) in her return match… Its a pretty decent match that has my attention, shows off two women that are built more like athletes, and less like whore anorexics. Roxxi scores a quick roll up pin, although it is bad booking making the current champ look weak. Post match beat down by ODB on Roxxi clears up that issue a bit. Tara in for the save…

- Next up is Foley en route to meet Hogan… who is actually Lou Ferrigno (the original Incredible Hulk).

Yeah, this guy. This was actually pretty entertaining…

- Nash grabs JB’s mic and tells Mick backstage that for attacking him when Hogan gets here, he has signed his death warrant and he will be unemployed… I hope not. Seriously, Mick Foley is one of the best things going in TNA. Hell, he is one of the reasons I watch… better be a storyline build.

- Foley is with JB, “circling the wagons” as we speak to rally against Nash and Hogan. Jarrett and him have a lot in common. Abyss comes in all beat up, and announce the Foley/Abyss versus Dr. Stevie/Raven at the PPV. Looks like Abyss got all beat up like due to his alliances… Foley promises his back… does he have his at the PPV?

- Sweet, Pope and his team is out. Everyone cuts a promo on TNA because matches are not important? Wha… Pope interjects as he can see into the future apparently… drinking bleach again Pope? He still rules. Team captain vs Team captain is next…

- This just in, Jesse Neil still sucks…

- So it is Morgan versus Bubba… hardly could focus on it as it was just a run-in attack on Morgan, weak. TNA is regressing back… I miss the tournament a couple weeks back… sure there were matches that were short, but there was WAY MORE WRESTLING! Fuckballs.

- More backstage shit… whatever… too many guys involved in the promo for the feast or fired match…

- I completely missed a knockout match… I guess Hamada and Awesome Kong beat a Beautiful Person and someone, whatever…

- Foley and Jarrett promo leads to Mick telling Jeff to face DIxie and fix all the hiatus stuff. Wow, Jarrett looks worse this week, pot belly, homeless beard, etc… decent promo though.

- Jay Lethal challenges Tatanka for his invitational old guy challenge… meh, he better win this one or this is getting lame fast…

Beaten up, but still can take out Jay Lethal…

- And Tatanka gets the win in the burial of Lethals career. The only way to save this retarded gimmick and waste of time is to repackage Lethal…

-MCMG’s!!! Promo (again, but these guys deserve it). “… you will be outclassed, outwrestled, and out matched, and pun intended, outgunned…” by Alex Shelly cutting an awesome promo on the British Invasion that basically alludes to why they are not given enough time on the show… its so true, a waste of the best tagteam in the biz, they really… really are. Smarten up TNA

Smarten up idiot booking!!!

- Dixie Carter and Double J have a promo meeting where they make the Kurt/ Karen angle public officially. Dixie does ok as a character, but tells Jeff it is time to make amends with Kurt. True soap opera stuff folks… not sure if this is a good thing or not.

- Lots of video clips equals lots of FFW!

- Daniels up against Wolfe… god I hope they give this some time…

- Nice bout! Both men deliver a significant offence and demonstrate their well rounded skills. We need a run-in or double DQ or something here to allow both men to look strong for the PPV… we get a 10 minute timelimit ending in a draw. You know what? This was a good ending, time limits are a rare thing these days. This was executed well.

- More Foley/Jarrett shit. But this time it involves Angle too… Jarrett apologizes to Kurt. Angle says he heard it, but he has a match. You know, this was alright. We still have way too many promos on this show, but that was a gooder.

- 5/5 match. Steiner, British Invasion, Raven, Dr. Stevie /Styles, Tomko, Abyss, Lashley, Angle. Don’t know which Brit is on the outside, nor care. This’ll be a clusterfuck…

The usual TNA booking… eh Russo?

- I am not sure when Tomko became relevant again, I guess they are hoping the fans remember the guy… They fight in the ring, backstage and everywhere. Yeah, clusterfuck makes the most sense. Tomko gets the win, why the fuck did this match even happen if you give it less than 5 minutes. After, Angle and AJ, wait Wolfe and Daniels are…. aww fuck this shit.

- Logic is lost.

- Like including how Abyss’ leg got all messed up. The reason? Raven and Dr. Stevie set him on fire, but was considered too graphic to air. DO NOT GO PG on me, TNA… you can check out this poorly filmed segment here:

Final Thoughts: Not much really, this was a pretty typical TNA episode with too much on the backstory, and not enough logic in the ring. That is the key word people, Logic. Weak episode mostly, with few highlights, this week.

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Other “News”

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WWE just brought in their own “Hogan”
- THIS IS HUGE! The Sun is reporting that Bret “the Hitman” Hart has signed a contract from January 1 – April 10, 2010 (i.e. ending after WrestleMania). While unsure of his role with the company, it is notable he is to appear the same night that Hogan debuts. Whether this will end the weekly guest host shtick also remains to be seen.

- Obama’s pretaped speech to the troops on WWE’s Tribute to the Troops show was made for any media outlet that wants to air it, not just WWE.

- Bobby Lashley‘s Strikeforce MMA fight is slated January 30th. This will likely mean he will be phased out of TNA soon enough to focus on staying healthy and training for the match.

- UFC 111 will air on the eve of WrestleMania 26. How this will impact buyrates for either promotion remains to be seen, however, speculation in the dirt sheets suggests that the UFC are at war with WWE… I thought TNA was at was with WWE… huh… well all 3 will be competing for ratings (which forgets people can record this stuff) on January 11 when UFC’s “Fight Night” will be up against RAW and Impact!

- TNA has cancelled events during the WrestleMania weekend that were scheduled to take place in this here author’s neck of the woods…. Calgary, Alberta, Canada… I might have actually paid to see this too…

- Bobby “the Brain” Heenan is a warrior. The guy has battled jaw cancer and numerous reconstructive surgeries. I stumbled across this picture amidst the IWC and a first it made me sad. Then I took a closer look. He is smiling! For this smark, I can only say that this is something I think you should see too if you were ever a fan of the guy or not. Keep smiling Bobby!!

A WARRIOR!

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Recommended Reading

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Here’s some stuff worth checking out that I stumbled upon through the week for you smarks wanting more. And, they are likely better written than I could do.

- If you are part of, or a fan of the IWC, READ THIS. Mike Rickard asks “Are Wrestling Journalists Really Journalists?” I know I’m not, and make no claims to be anything other than smark. Great writing!!!

- If you are a fan of “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero, SLAM! Sports wrestling has a semi-kayfabe interview up with him where he maintains his “tweener” status.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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NHL panels rule. ’nuff said.

Too much wrestling to sit through all of it…FFW that shit people! Until next week or another time, I’m out!

Tags: crepe, dirt, hey, I just published this garbage!, impact, PPV, RAW, Reviews, sheets, Smackdown, squared circle, Television, TLC, tna, Vintage Collection

This entry was posted on Saturday, December 19th, 2009 at 2:50 am and is filed under Reviews, Wrestling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.