What This Is:

Wow, a third week? Sheesh, even I am shocked. Get ready to suffer alongside me as I write about what I am seeing and thinking as I watch it. Very little editing is done to this article after-the-fact. I might get to catch some of Survivor Series after all depending on whether I can get free streams to work. Let’s see what happens!

This Week’s Shows (Nov. 18 – 24, 2009):

————————————————————————

TNA

————————————————————————
- Get your Turning Point results here.

- Anyways, short window of time tonight to watch Impact, the Office, Survivor, etc… let’s see how much TNA I can cover:

-”Burn, Baby, Burn” is tonight’s show name.

- Foley and Abyss are out… a bit of Foley feeling ousted by Dixie Carter not letting him in on the Hogan signing… maybe he’s on the way out?

-RAVEN!!! Stevie and (drool) Daffney looking EVEN more like Harley Quinn! Raven questions Foley’s authority, who responds by booking Raven/Richards v.s. Foley/Abyss. Awesome segment folks, Raven is better on the mic than he’s been in a long time.

-Angle and AJ cut an interview. A typical you-have-the-title and I-want-a-match dialogue.

- Amazing Red vs Scott Steiner. Best part is DON WEST (always yelling) at ring side with manager tactics and a microphone. Shades of Jimmy Hart, I miss managers… Steiner makes Red eat lead pipe and Lashley runs in for save… meh, ok match.

- Eric Young and Nash discuss a merger of some kind and Nash teases at Mick that he will give answers after a call to Hogan… NWO? Hmm…. World Elite/ new WORLD order… might mean nothing… or… OR…

- Yes! MCMG’s are out. Best tagteam in wrestling today as far as I am concerned. They are with Beer Money Inc. versus World Elite 4 on 4. Eric Young gets an earfull from Hebner as he joins commentary. “Stupid old man, he’s lucky I didn’t drop him right there,” Young says in an aside… let’s watch!! A fun clusterfuck. Nash is out now… still no clue where this is going.

- Commercials end and… umm… we get a 10 second segment about Foley looking for Nash… and back to commercials. WTF? I rewinded for that?

- Nash/Foley talk. Ok promo, most important part is Big Sexy tells Cactus Jack that when Hogan comes back, he’s not coming alone….

PLEASE don’t be Buff Bagwell!
then we get more FFW as we see the same footage of Hogan AGAIN. Fuckers.

- Abyss/Foley talk… bleh. Wilde vs Hamada in Knockouts bout. 1 minute in and its better than all women’s matches in WWE combined. Quick moves, skills demonstrated. Short, but worth watching! Hamada for the win.

- Abyss barricades Foley’s office door shut with a desk likely to prevent the zombie horde from getting at him and Borash.

- Abyss vs Stevie/Raven. Let’s put it this way, if you like garbage wrestling, this is awesome.

- ODB has her talkshow with Homicide. The set is typical of white-trash as it should be. Drinking 26′s, ODB really is the female Sandman, lame segment though.

Too bad that segment sucked…
- Tyson Tomko is back in TNA, cuts a quickie. Beautiful people hijack Lauren’s bit and do their so-cal thing. Eye candy fans for the win! It was funny.

- Alissa Flash vs Sarita. And like last week, I am not caring enough to watch. Yeah its better than WWE but it’s late… so FFW!!

- Foley escaped the zombie protection to be attacked by the new “flock.” Too many promos tonight! At least Team 3D/Rhyno vs Hernandez/Morgan/Pope. Pope is over with the crowd (and rightfully so). A fun garbage ECW-ish match. Pope lands flying elbow from the top (Bite into a slim jim!) onto a singapore cane on top of Devon’s dick!! Oww!!! That army guy Rhyno was training runs in to help 3D/Rhyno get the win. Hey, he sucked before, was that intentional or… shudder… hoss? Backstage this is explained… Jesse is his name (oh yeah) and he’s hardcore now because he trained with them.

- Fuck, we cut to ANOTHER promo with Wolfe and Daniels… I am liking Wolfe on the mic, but fuck let’s watch some wrestling please…

- Actual WRESTLING. Angle/Styles vs Wolfe/Daniels. Watched the whole thing as it was short. Daniels pins AJ.

- Final thoughts? Same problem with not enough action. It is too easy to laugh at the title “Total Nonstop Action.” It really is not true, right? At the same time, it is way fresher than McMahon’s product. The Hogan storyline is dominating too much for a guy we won’t see until 2010. The Sting interview got cut for some reason, which to me is actually good. Fans might get sick of this stuff before he even shows up.

————————————————————————

Smackdown

————————————————————————
- Got stuck at work later than normal, shitty deal. Will do my best as I review this with limited time. If I don’t do this tonight, I never get to it at all…. so away we go!!

- Batista essentially squashed Matt Hardy for the PPV build up, cut to rerun of last week thus FFW!!!!

- We get a highlight package of the Brother’s of Destruction. Watched it for nostalgia since the match later will likely be slow and plodding.

- Vickie is back with her new boyfriend talking to McMahon… I got distracted as to what happened though, but this Escobar guy is back on SD I guess.

- Drew McIntyre is on the mic. His smug tearing into Finlay is short but sweet. And out the fighting Irishman comes. I wonder if they’ll do the nonsense DDQ thing again? Starts off as another intense brawler match. McIntyre hits a nice DDT (and Finlay sells it great) and gets the pin. Nice finishing move but too short, let these guys go WWE!

- We get a CM Punk promo. Actually its an intervention with the crowd… we must all admit we are addicts… dude this is good I am just going to watch… I hope you watched that, because CM Punk cuts like no other. R-Truth was out after (implying he supports prescription drug/Smokes/Alcohol use which he dumps on Punk out of the garbage can Punk had just placed).

- We are treated to a 2/3 (a.k.a. always goes to 3) falls match for the IC title. Morrison vs Ziggler. After last week, this will again be the match of the night folks! Buh Gawd!!! Stone cold!!! Stunner!!! Stone Cold!!! ….Gotcha, but that’s my metaphorical pre-match reaction to this. Here we go… schoolboy by the Doors lead singer for fall 1.

-Ziggler for the second fall with a pin after break number one. Good pyschology so far as they are building it.

Ziggy tries to get another quick pin, lots of kick outs and tries some submission wear down… I am appreciating Morrison’s ability to sell the heel beat-down. WATCH THIS MATCH. Morrison takes a beating but gets his finisher for pin 3. Retains!

- I notice a Hogan DVD ad. Notable TNA dis: “Hogan in his prime…” Subtle but obvious implied “Hey you got my car after I put 250,000 kms on it without an oil change sucker.” Time will tell Vince, time will tell.

- Mickie James vs… Layla…. just before FWW commences, I note another Matt Striker vocabulary injection with cornucopia. Thank you matt and I hit the button…

- We get Michelle McCool cutting a This Ol’ Farmer had a… bit calling and showing James as a pig. Umm… are those real tears on a non-anorexic Diva? Ribcage McCool is … I think I can see her intestines… fucking a dead man so I guess she gets the liberty… Way to fuck up the heads of young girls perception of themselves WWE. PG huh? This is when actual parental guidance is necessary.

- Rey and his gimped-knee (oh you didn’t know? His career may be over soon) vs Tyson Kid (from Calgary, Alberta, Canada) with Batista on “commentary.” Batista says jack shit until he interferes to end the match quickly… Rey gets the last word, so to speak by running around and baseball slide kicking Batista and running away. That’s right, faces run away…

- Jeri-Show backstage. Y2J sells the mainevent, they might not even make it to the PPV promo. Dave Meltzer gives it 6.7 stars!!! Enjoyable is more realistic.

- RAW rewind? , nope MSG rewind, FFW!!! Saw it Monday and I am guessing will be on every WWE show this week at this point. You know the drill, find the >> shaped button and smacketh it down.

- Good god, I appreciate the mainevent “idea” and the guys in it, but it is 2009. Undertaker, Kane, and Big Slow still get promo love (and PPVs generally for inring) from me. Egad! Jericho still can go, but I am doing it again! Slow and Plodding!!

- How it works: FFW set to 1/5 speed whenever Y2J is not in ring and it appears in normal speed… way better! You’d think that saying that skipping the commercials and thus saving hours yearly is obvious…

-The big men are picking up the pace = normal speed.

- Taker gets face attack boost and it becomes typical pre-PPV clusterfuck… Jericho ends up with the title steal promo win ending. So, Taker retains on Sunday if the cliche PPV pool odds would say.

- Final thoughts: It was a decent main event. I used my FFW more heavily than admitted to on everything tonight, but what I caught was alright.
That brings me on to…

————————————————————————

ECW

————————————————————————

….ECW, which I am going to watch right after Smackdown. Well, by watch I mean, fast-forward-as-fuck (FFWAF… I guess). Once again, if I don’t get to this now, I sure as fuck ain’t getting to it later…

- CM Punk! Fuck I will be up late tonight! Promo! Punk promises “the biggest, longest, loudest standing ovations in ECW history,” when he returns to tonight. RW to get that quote! Holy anti-climatic intro by me in retrospect.

- Zack Ryder vs….. do I watch this? FFW to Punk? I let them speak… should I? The cheesy love angle 90210 badness with Mendez continues live. The crowd is dead. Shelton Benjamin is out. He hits on Mendez, picks a fight… FFW!!

- I stop for Hurricane recap.. I know… Unless you are a secret Helms mark, you best ought to not go down that road and FFWAF. Being a comic collector as a kid I love his gimmick…

- Implications is mask versus loser leaves (spoiler: Burchill and sister are now on RAW). Josh Matthews announcing is very superhero related. This is cool by me.

He’s from Northern Alberta. So am I. He’s a zombie (in this series). I’m not, so I shoot him in the head. Sucks for me that he has undead mutant superhealing abilities!! Fuck, that’s the second time I’ve died today.

- I missed some of the mid match, they gave’em time! Okay match had some high points. uhh..possible FFW knowing they are on RAW…

- CM Punk with the blonde boss Tiffany. She tells him she likes to drink once in a while and to not be a prude.

- Starting to wonder WHAT the response to Punk’s gimmick that each character is representing inadvertently. PG rating is supporting addiction basically, fucking hilarious shit people! Kids show!! Yay!! This actually is even more entertaining to me now!

- Vance Archer vs ?? My patience is wearing thin, he did little for me in TNA either, FFW.

- Christian talks to CM Punk about being straight edge backstage. I want to see them do more segments, great chemistry

- R-Truth/Christian vs Regal/Punk – decent. sorry that’s about all I can say. Heels win.. NHL2010 XBL time…

————————————————————————

Vintage Collection

————————————————————————
- Ahhh… once again I am doing my 3 Yahoo Hockey Pool lines for the week as I watch this… semi-distracted.. The show is all Survivor Series stuff like it has been all month.

- Hart vs Austin Survivor Series classic promos! You’ve seen them, but they rule, “Wake up Bret! 3:16″ This’ll be the main event of the highlight show.

- 1995 Golddust versus Bam Bam… Yahoo! servers are so slow to load… I am actually watching most of this… One has to give credit to Bam Bam as to how how quick and agile he was for a fat dude. GD for the win!

- Nation of Domination vs Shamrock, LOD, and Ahmed. 1997 in Montreal. I was there once…

Ahmed totally no-selling D-Lo’s punches = gay. The Rock serves justice on Mr. No-sell. Foreshadowing big time as Lawler and Ross state this will be history-making night for Hart. Wow, maybe Vince is shouting this into their headsets?

- Animal is counted out by a Outlaws distraction featuring Road Dogg wearing LOD armour… Billy Gunn is there too, I guess..

- The Rock and Shamrock wrap things up. Shamrock wins, but you knew that. Still a fun match to rewatch!! Almost done my pools!!

- Riddle me this, on Friday Nov 27, do you play Thomas or Brodeur when BOS plays NJ respectively? Only can pick one, I go with Brodeur, and Hart and Austin cut promos for their iconic match.

- 1996 – Main event time… might FFW a bit here as I have seen this many times. It was a great match folks!

————————————————————————

Superstars

————————————————————————
- As I plan on trying to stream Survivor Series illegally tonight, I am not watching much of this. I don’t recall seeing the Miz at all on RAW so he must be on here. FFW until he gets promo/match time…

- Cody Rhodes takes Mark Henry in the main event, no Miz. Fuck this, I skipped through the entire episode.

————————————————————————

Survivor Series 2009

————————————————————————
- The big #2 is upon us. Got some illegal stream going. Begin with a history of SS.

- feed cuts out. awesome…

- we’re back Team Miz (who is awesome) vs Team Morrison. All the best mid carders (pretty much) are here to do battle. Bourne takes Ziggler out, McIntyre takes Bourne out…clusterfuck. more feed BS, a bunch of shit happens but Morrison off the top ropes flippy shit takes out Swagger. Nice move!

- Miz and Morrison WILL finish this match…

- McIntyre is eliminated after a great performance…. no gimmick for this guy other than ethnicity. A shameas… This was a sweet match.

- feed problems… looks like Batista killed Rey (injured kayfabe and real life)… the feeds are not being good to me this PPV, and I got other shit to do… I’ll watch it later somewhere else, but patience with streaming video is over (and I got to leave).

RESULTS

————————————————————————

RAW

————————————————————————
- Egad… 3 hours of RAW… This used to seem special when they did the longer episodes, wonder how much I will be able to stay awake for?

- God damn. Nickelback. FFW!!

It’s true, it’s damn true my band sucks.

-Orton comes out instead of Ventura to start, he tells the crowd he is breaking from tradition of late, and took a shit in his own bag and rapes himself! Actually Orton wants a title match (this is SO breaking from tradition)…

- Ventura is out and starts with cheap pops. Let’s just watch and enjoy…

- …and enjoy I did, the governor was GOLD. Here’s the deal, he berates seeing the same shit week in week out and freshens it up. Preliminary matches with guys who have never held the title will occur. Winners move onto Battle Royale. Winner = #1 contender.

- Kofi versus … clips from last week FFWAF…. versus Ziggler. Was a short, awesome bout. Very little downtime between action, Kofi picks up the win.

- The Miz is backstage with Thanksgiving dinner. It should be noted that the crowd chants “I am awesome” along with him more each week for damn good reason. If you’re a casual viewer and are wondering why, it’s simple. He just keeps getting better.

- Sheamus is out to (likely beat) Finlay. Get thee to a nunnery, err battle royale Sheamus (palest motherfucker on TV). He then wastes vital energy post-match with a beatdown on Finlay.

- Vickie Guerrero is now Teddy Long’s personal consultant. Vickie has been good but this segment was not.

- Jesse/Orton bit. Orton wants into Battle Royal action. No deal, Jesse likes that Orton who retires the old guys, but won’t go back on his word. Kind of sets up a predictable outcome… will it be?

- CM Punk cuts another fucking awesome promo. Rips on gluttony being Thanksgiving’s biggest vice. A Punk promo is truly a thing of multimedia glory, and this is no exception.

- Cena versus Punk. This guy over at The Online Onslaught, Matt Hocking, pointed out that that thing Cena yells at the start of his entry theme sounds like “apple dough.” I read that like 4 years ago or something, and I shit you not, every single time that is what I hear. APPLE DOUGH!!!

- This match is excellent…. it has a slow build with psychology with two never matching up before. Variety abound as they are given the time to do so. This could be a sneak peek at a GREAT rivalry down the road. Cena for the win with the FU/Attitude Adjustment.

- Ventura and McMahon backstage and how can I say this… this was priceless. Ventura tears Vince a new one verbally and we will get more tonight! If I find a link..

- Watch it bitches.

- R Truth, Mark Henry, and MVP are Battle Royale bound.

- DX is getting sued midget style next week since the Mini-Me guy hosts… fuck.

- Why couldn’t it have been Michael Myers?

- Evan Bourne (sweet) vs Primo… Nope, he is murdered by Orton, enters ring and yells ring the bell. Ventura interupts and rules are always made to be broken, if he beats Bourne in the ring he is in the Royale with cheese. So Bourne will lose. Boo.

- And he does fairly quickly. Fuck you WWE. We watch a replay that could have been more match time.

- Ventura/Vince highlight reel. FFW unless hardcore fan. I am.

- Diva 3×3 tag = FFWAF!

- STOP Gobbledy Gooker!! Motherfuck! First since 1990! Guest timekeeper!! Stuffing and shit!!

Yes this actually happened at Survivor Series… and yes, wrestling sometimes goes well beyond gay…

- A typically racist intro for the “Indians” as MJ (mmm, mmm, good) Kelly to the power of 2, and MMMelina hit the ring. FFW to giant turkey relevance.

- Gooker is Mareyse (spelling?), so hot french Canadiens are back. And poutine rules… AND the lesson learned is if you show up dressed as a former WWE/WWF employee, you can infiltrate security and beat up talent. Learned and noted! BTW, I may appear on TV next week!! Stay tuned! (Exclaimation point)

- I am reading this through most of DX/Harts… 3 hours….

- DX places a glass ceiling…

- Jericho!

- Jerishow versus DX in a TLC match at the same name PPV. Hmmm… a waste if they are only letting a couple matches use all three weapons in one match… Cool promo though.

- Batista is up next, he is mic fodder usually so…. yep, FFW… play Kane is out, Batista challenged Taker to a match, they talk. I FFW.

- I guess its Legacy vs Cryme Time for another Battle Royale qualifier… when is this match going to happen? yawn… FFW.

- Jeff Hardy DVD ad complete with drug use AND abuse. Good times, even though I lied about the drugs part. We are all thinking it though.

- Santino rocks some sexism and takes pie to the face! Just like it sounds, its a six-way on him pie-wise until Vickie takes an inadvertant one to the face. Bad funny!

- Thank god! Ventura/Vince are doing play by play for the mainevent! This can only fail with expectations from this smark. Vince is out in all his old school red tie suit. AND to the old fashion television/stampede wrestling theme he ripped off (only Bruce Magee-old Canadian types understood that reference). Ok, that’s enough, I am FFW this commercial and am enjoying this.

- Final thoughts: If you read my bullshit review, you know who qualified unless memory retention is not your friend. Otherwise, Ventura and Vince on commentary is my favorite guest host bit to date, you missed this? You missed out. The match itself lost a step, however, as a result as nostolgia was the focal point. The palest man wins the battle royale. Didn’t see that coming. He’s up against Cena….

There’s a contract signing, I thought this was over too, but Cena is out to sign vs Sheaeaemousus. Ventura keeps my attention more than anything at this point… yawn… Cena puts a decent cut into Shame-us. But it is a contract signing, so take a wild fucking guess where this is going… Ventura calls conspiracy on Cena for being perfect cookie-cutter formula, yeah… then the albino red-head fucks up Cena and Ventura sets up a table match for the title. Wow, contract signing ends in a fight. Brain stabbing starts now.

All in all, I don’t want to Orton-shit into this weeks RAW. I was actually entertained and hardly FFW’d as Ventura was key, well done mostly. Hmm… time to lay off the crack?

————————————————————————

Other “News”

————————————————————————
- A little while back, indie wrestler Adam Firestorm took his own life. While I did not know him personally, a friend of mine who has wrestled with the ECCW (west coast North American promotion) did. Here’s a well written homage to this performer.

- In case you missed it (by the time this is posted), Ric Flair destroyed Hogan crimson face-style in Australia. Here’s a video link courtesy of the SUN.

- Jerry Lawler is claiming that Jim Ross should be back by WrestleMania. This is positive news!

- Mick Foley was on the Daily Show with John Stewart this week. I caught his bit where he played the role of “Senior Asskicker.” The crowd popped big for him.

————————————————————————

Recommended Reading

————————————————————————
Here’s some stuff worth checking out that I stumbled upon through the week for you smarks wanting more. And, they are likely better written than I could do.

- Bruno Sammartino gave an AWESOME (and long) interview on Newsday this week. If you want info on behind the scenes in the WWE or his experiences, this is a must read.

- Damn, the Canadian Bulldog (not DH Smith) is likely my favorite satire writer out there.

-Also, I think this Rick Scaia’s stuff if awesome. He doesn’t write often, but when he does, it’s the good stuff.

- Lance Storm has a bunch of Q and A’s up this week. These are generally pretty interesting…

————————————————————————

Random Morphine Reference:

————————————————————————

- Do you need a ride? Get on mah horse

Too much wrestling to sit through all of it…FFW that shit people! I totally whored out my time travelling adventures this week, and will do again right here!!!!! Until next week or another time, I’m out!

Tags: dirt, hey, I just published this garbage!, impact, RAW, sheets, Smackdown, squared circle, tna, Vintage Collection, wwe

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 24th, 2009 at 5:42 am and is filed under Reviews, Television, Wrestling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.