Again, I went into overdrive and made another long review, this time it is Smackdown. Plus, I will include a bunch of the usual weekly stuff like “Other News” and “Recommended Reading.” Charles Barkley tries to sneak in with out a ticket as well… It’s another review (not a recap) by a self-admitted smark asshole! Hit the jump!

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TNA

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In case you are too lazy to use the scroll button on your browser…

Check that episode here —–> link/jump. Charles Barkley loved this week! Or did he…. the only way to find out is read it.

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Smackdown

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- We start the show with a declaration of the return of “The Cutting Edge,” and his guest will be The Undertaker (known for being a conversationalist). Pyro, signs, etc. Usual start…

- “We are officially on the road to WrestleMania!” It’s all about qualifying matches for the Elimination Chamber PPV to face the Undertaker. And first out is Y2J in a suit, so it’s microphone time, and likely retort time for Edge’s comments on RAW earlier in the week.

- Chris breaks down the situation as him being robbed after 10 months of careful planning by Edge who was unannounced as an entrant in the Royal Rumble. It’s a pretty awesome heel promo by the man seems to do no wrong. “I’m Chris Jericho and I DON’T SETTLE FOR NOTHING!” He calls out Teddy Long and wants reprecussions for being robbed… Teddy does not come out, so Y2J goes backstage in a well synched inring/backstage segment. And sitting in Long’s office is none other than Edge. In a fantastic exchange of words, Edge maintains the RAW mentioned comment that Y2J’s slammy awards speech motivated his return…

- Just saw my first ad fir Bioshock 2! Looks freaking awesome! The first episode was bloody great… might very well get this on drop day (I’m hoping for the super cheap game deals they’ve been rolling in Canada for this title).

Fuck yeah!

- Chamber qualifier – triple threat between Kane, John Morrison and Drew McIntyre. I’m going with Kane, allowing for the IC title to be defended between the other two men. It was a pretty sweet match… Morrison hits Starship Pain on Kane for the win. This doesn’t mean the IC title will not be on the line, but right now, the feud between John and Drew is on hold in PPV action.

- R-Truth versus the beardliest man in the world, Mike Knox. And in what turned into a super quick bout, Truth is going to the chamber. Nothing really special here… Truth’s rap intro may have been longer than the match…

By “Egg,” I mean match.

That was like a TNA match!

@Charles Barkley – good call dude!

- We get post RAW coverage of Cena defending Hart, and Batista and Cena battling… setting up something at Mania… but what exactly remains to be seen. Then we get the Straight Edge Society and Punk delivering a Jonestown-esque style conversation with his ilk. Kind of had a creepy vibe, as any cult should.

Creepy

@G – Can I be a guest referee?

@Charles Barkley – Charles, I told you I just review this shit, I don’t book it. As well, I might make you a permanent character in my TNA reviews, but this is WWE, so get the fuck out of the article! Go suck at golf or something…

@G – Done.

- Shitista… err… Big Dave is out to fight CM Punk. If Punk loses here, I am throwing my remote control at the wall. I have two (scammed the cable company), so at least one can be thrown. Serena and Luke Gallows are at ringside. Batista looks all casual and tries to undersell his opponent. This makes me hate him more. Punk is FAR more entertaining. Batista leaves the ring and walks around as Punk makes the ref count him out… the ref gets to 10 and the lazy ass gets counted out… whats his perogative? Punk advances to the Elimination Chamber and runs around like he won the Superbowl! That was awesome! The better wrestler wins and the shittier one gets off my television fast! Yeah I complained about the last one being short, but in this case, justice for this smark was served!

It’s called reality, juice pig. Go soap rape someone.

- Y2J is up against Matt Hardy for the EC qualifier… Jericho hits a nice lionsault on Fat Hardy! I was wondering the other day the last time I saw him do one. Decent match, with the slimmer man winning. Y2J advances to the EC SD match. Abbreviations!

I wish Hardy would just run with the Fat Albert jokes. Seriously, team with Cryme Tyme and the “Hey, hey, hey” intro would me laugh like a mofo…

- I watch the Royal Rumble recap, since just like JCC, it’s my favorite PPV of the year (and match). Fucking awesome. I’m sure someone will notice my JCC and Bill Cosby’s Fat Albert reference sit alongside each other… and for good reason.

- Mickie James is out to celebrate her newly won title. This just in… NOT FAT. I’m sure this will turn into more Piggy James BS with McCool and Layla coming out… if so, it’s FFW time because nothing good comes out of this feud. HOW THE FUCK CAN DESTROYING LITTLE GIRL’S SENSE OF ESTEEM EXIST IN A PG-13 FORMAT. Thank you.

- Beth Phoenix comes out and cuts a tweener threat about her inclusion in the Rumble (Beth took out the not-so-Great Khali!). Vickie comes out and asserts her authority and the challenge is made by her, not them. Instead it goes into a #1 contender tag match for the Diva title. Huh? Tag? Singles match? WTF? McCool and Layla are rocking new tag jackets stating “Simply flawless.” Really? I could pick out a few… umm flaw #1 Layla can’t wrestle worth a shit. #2 McCool slept her way to the top and is just barely somewhat better than than Layla. #3 Andy Kaufman would crush both of them on his worst day…

I would you know… And I’m the REAL “dead man.”

- All kidding aside, Andy Kaufman does NOT have a Twitter, and I don’t either… it’s just the “status update” function of facebook (which is kinda gay too)… meh.

- R.I.P. Mr. Andy Kaufman. @REM – Yes, I believe.

- Beth picks up a win, thankfully, and everyone goes home happy!! Yay!

@G – Show’s not over G… excuse me, I need to put some offensive “white face” on…

@Charles Barkley – DUDE GET OUT OF SMACKDOWN!!! … oh yeah it is still on, haven’t seen the Cutting Edge yet… you win this round Mr. Barkley.

- Cryme Tyme cuts a “Word Up.” “King” was the word. BB King, Elvis, . all kings, but they give props to Jerry Lawler. So that’s cool… huh, I just earlier made reference to his most famous opponent Andy Kaufman… coincidence? Fuck no, saw him being involved from a mile away… It’s Memphis, so I was expected something Lawler related in his hometown. Just didn’t expect it to be a Cryme Tyme sketch. A fun bit.

- Rey “Needs knee surgery” Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler for another qualifier match is up next… FFW ads (small part of lifespan preserved). For someone rumoured to be hurt, Mysterio certainly is flying around the ring. Ziggy gets in some offensive when he drops a slick dropkick as Rey descends from the top ropes. Nice move! Got dropkick? If you didn’t click that link, and read that article you made a baby seal get clubbed in Canada. Albeit, I don’t expect you feel bad about that… commercial break.

We’ll find out after some more Bioshock 2 ads…

- This match is pretty damn good! Rey continues to fly around the ring while Dolph maintains a bigger man heelish advantage. Good stuff. Dolph catches Rey after the masked man jumps off the second rope and bodyslams the shit out of him in a wicked clean move! Awesome! Rey still picks up the win with a reversal roll up, and Rey in post match face mode defends himself with a 619. Great match!

Fake quote: “My dad turned smoking weed, rocking out reggae and playing soccer into a religion… my name is Ziggy. I guess everyone makes at least one mistake in life.”

- Last bit of the night is next, “The Cutting Edge.” Another great promo by Edge. It makes you realize how much you missed the guy when he delivers gold like this. Edge shows us him punking out Sheamus on RAW, and then Y2J comes out! YES! More fun times for anyone who loves this shit!

“You wanted to take something I’ve done for my whole adult life… something I’ve dreamed about doing since I was a kid! You wanted to take that and make it a punchline!?!” Edge on Jericho while watching the show at home injured. AKA Waxing poetic.

- CM Punk? NICE! Even Punk calls it beautiful, albeit smuggly and sarcastically. He likens them to pill popping junkies and enters in sheer brilliant Punk mic skills. When Punk refers to himself as the “savior” of the WWE universe, the camera cut to Jericho. The expression of Y2J was fucking pricelessly funny. The crowd is hating this guy, but I’m stealing McDonald’s catchphrase.

- Lights out, Taker appears, clusterfuck ensues. Edge and Taker have a bit of a staredown… Taker is really looking old as the copyright graphic appears and the show ends…

Final Thoughts: It’s a mixed bag this week. Lots of good microphone time! Some matches were nice and long as they should be in the tourney qualifier, while a few were tragically short. Matt Hardy needs to take some time off and work out for his own well being… Glad to see the Piggy James thing either end, or be put off. Rey and Dolph surprised me, as well as the way the Cutting Edge was handled… Kudos! Great episode!!!

Good night G!

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Other “News”

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- ECW has been announced as officially dead. “NXT” will replace it, and what that means at this time is not completely clear. However it is understood that it will be a showcase of new talent (which is essentially what the current version of ECW). February 23 is the last date for this so-called brand. Taz is pissed.

So do we call it “next” or “N. X. T.” If it’s an acronym, does it stand for “Never Xtreme Television?”

- Author’s note: It is an acronym according to the ad I saw tonight.

- TNA is no longer listing a Monday March 1st episode, rather back to Thursday. Flip flop… I’ll try to fill you in to what’s going on as best I can, but at the moment it’s a lost cause to worry about something a month away.

- The RVD pursuit continues. Angrymarks.com is reporting that Hogan was on RVD Radio a little while back. Hogan said that he spoke with Jeff Hardy who is pushing the company towards signing Rob. RVD would make no comment on air in regards to this.

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Recommended Reading

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Here’s some stuff worth checking out that I stumbled upon through the week for you smarks wanting more. And, they are likely better written than I could do.

- I’ve alluded to the rumors of the demise of ECW for weeks, if not months, in these articles. It’s official (as referenced in the above “other news” section. Turns out RVD didn’t know it was still in existence.

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Random Morphine Reference:

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There’s this guy named “Gun Sage” who writes some great stuff here. Recently he wrote an indepth article on his experience working for Time Warner Cable. This is a must read.

Tags: barkley, batista, chamber, charles, cm punk, down, edge, elimination, jericho, mickie james, morrison, qualify, rey mysterio, Royal Rumble, smack, Smackdown, UNDERTAKER, WresleMania, wrestle, Wrestling

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 6th, 2010 at 4:05 am and is filed under Reviews, Television, Wrestling. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.