Total Nonstop Action is on TV! Let’s go! And hey kids!?!? Logic generally does not prevail here! Swerves!! Action!! POW!! SWOOSH!! BAM!!
ZLOTT!!!!!
- We kick things off (after recap videos), with an eight card stud tournament qualifier match. It’s Brutus Magnus of the British Invasion, against Mr. Anderson (who does his kick ass own ring announcement himself). I never get sick of that.
- Quick question to any readers of this article who also happen to be Pittsburg Penguin fans who catch their home games on a regular basis…. When Tyler Kennedy scores in the home arena, do they still play “Mr. Kennedy” samples? Just curious…
- Anyways, we’re underway in what could be a nice bout if given enough time (but this is TNA, so who am I kidding?). And? It totally is short as fuck. “Winner, winner, chicken dinner,” declares Anderson as he does the delayed name gimmick right into a close up camera with sheer awesome heelishness.
- Mick Foley arrives backstage… We cut to Angle backstage interviewed by Hemme. Angle’s pissed about Hall/6pac punking him out last week and Hogan “showing his true colours.”
Getting “punked out” sometimes is the worst character development you can go with…
- Sweet, Easy E is out to address the Foley issue… out comes Cactus Jack to respond. This should be good (for a promo). Foley chants break out. Ha ha, Mick calls Eric the worst announcer ever and Tenay says “I guess Mick never heard of Mike Adamle.” It’s a hated heated war of words. The results are Foley will face Kevin Nash tonight in a no DQ match. It also appears that Eric is indirectly threatening Abyss and Borash’s jobs at the expense of Mick’s actions. Cut to Abyss and Borash backstage. Borash says fuck Bischoff, he’s just here to collect his last check…
- Team 3D go for the tag titles against SuperMex Hernandez and the Genetic Blueprint Matt Morgan. Gotta go for the champs to retain… please wrestling gods, allow TNA to forget about short matches? I mean, there is other people I’d rather watch on the roster… but still.
Dude’s named after a fast food joint? Whoops…
- Since God hates wrestling fans, he sends out the Nasty Boys to interfere and ruin what could have been a far better match. It was actually pretty decent up until this point. And what is worse, is that it means we will see more of the Nasty Boys as they do a post attack run in only to be saved by Morgan/Hernandez. WHY ARE THE NASTY BOYS ON TELEVISION? Oh yeah… nepotism.
Al Creed knows the score… fucking Nasty Boys….
- Jesse Neil is up against Somoa Joe. Jesse Neil is that idiot who TNA decided they should make look like a punk rocker since that worked so well with Shannon Moore last time he was in the company… Meh. I hate people who assume that a mohawk makes one a punk… no. Neither does straight edge (although CM Punk does rule). I’ll explain this in a rant one day… but until then I’ll just say this: Jesse Niel is far from punk as fuck. FAR from it. Joe squashes this loser.
- Hemme snags Hogan backstage. She fills him in that Kurt thinks he put a hit out on him… cut to Mass Effect 2 ads… I will play this game at some point.
- The Pope, D’Angelo D’neiro comes out to a pretty big iMPACT zone ovation. His opponent, is accompanied by Ric WOO Flair… A.J. Styles. Styles is pretty likely to get the win here, but another squash of Pope would be retarded since he’s been jobbing a lot lately.
Hogan claims he loves the Pope, so logically jobs him out week in and out lately? What the fuck is this noise?
- Well at least a commercial break ensued to draw this match out. Great because a pretaped episode needs to be filmed and edited live so I can watch Charles Barkley (favorite NBA player of all time, but still) shill Taco Bell. Stupid lazy editing strategy. Flair is strutting at ringside. Taz attempts to compare wrestling to hockey and epic fails as Tenay points out hockey is played on a rink. “I’m from Nevada, and I know that,” Tenay states. That was funny, way to go Taz! They are at least giving this time, but AJ is dominating (he is the champ though). Holy shit!!! Pope sneaks a school boy roll up pin for the win! Flair in for post match attack… Somoa Joe is out to attack A.J. and gets double teamed until the Pope comes to his senses and security is out to break up the post match violence.
Post Taco Bell digestion reaction face…
- Well, I’ll give credit where it is do. TNA allowed a full segment to continue this match, and it was pretty decent. It made up for shitty booking on D’Angelo as of late. Not sure where this is going, we just saw Flair take part in his first real wrestling (limited albeit) since he arrived. Took a nice little over-the-top clothesline from Joe. Dude remains around sixty years old, right?
- We come back with Flair screaming at Joe (wow, a three segment TNA bit?). “Shut your mouth before I kick the rest of the nature out of your ass,” is a pretty nice retort by Joe. Security continues to restrain the faces. I’m digging this quite a bit since it is a less typical TNA segment (see, storyline development). Joe tells A.J. he will be cashing in his title shot (from feast or fired) at the next PPV.
- Angelina Love cuts a nice little interview with Hemme, we cut to Eric Young and Nash chatting. Easy E comes in, and cuts a little bit were he has no clue who Young is…. a title carrying wrestler…. runs the show, doesn’t know who he is… stupid. Eric lets everyone know that Hall and Waltman don’t have contracts because they are screwups (yep, pretty much) and tells Nash to kick Foley’s ass or end up like them. I smell a run in. Well, I smelt that cooking earlier…
Recently smelled what Taco Bell was cooking…
- Second Eight Card Stud qualifier is Angle versus Tomko. I can’t see Angle losing this unless if this will somehow become Hogan related if TNA wants to continue the storyline. Angle gets a win, and yes, another short one. This one, I’d don’t feel so bad about… why should a wrestling fan care about the character really? Tomko is little more than a “hey, remember this guy?” right now, although with a smart direction…. TNA.. my bad. WWE found nothing to do with the guy either so…
A huge goatee makes a great wrestler not… on a scale of one to ten, I give Tyson a meh.
- Two video recaps I actually watch. One was the first ever time TNA tours Europe with the current product. Then we get a brief history between Foley and Nash. Then cut to Nash kind of begging for Hall and Waltman’s jobs with Hogan. Hogan says fuck those guys and asks for an open mind… Yet another highlight package reminds us of the Beautiful People history where Love had to leave due to a work visa issue (although they never said this outright).
- Honestly, with all of the bullshit TNA has dropped within a week, one of the best things they could have just scrapped would have been the Beautiful People v.2 and just gone back to Velvet and Angelina and dropped the other garbage. Oh well, at least Tara is out to battle Angelina (Velvet is better). We are told/reminded that TNA runs a post show internet show… since I DVR this shit, and can’t FFW that shit, the word “meh” once again appears in this article.
- Since I see another Taco Bell/Barkley ad during FFW time:
The Barkley “meh” face… should save more, gamble less Mr. Millionaire. Or is that in past tense, hmm?
- Knockout title match (should’ve mentioned that earlier, don’t correct mistakes), continues… I’m assuming this is REALLY the mainevent match since there cannot be enough time left for the upcoming Foley/Nash match to do anything significant. The ladies are going pretty damn hard. That’s nice, it’s like watching midcard males just have a match. TNA’s womens’ division is elite compared to WWE… in time it has generally watchable.
- This one ends with Tara on top, the two shake hands making Angelina a tweener-face. “Neutral Good?”
Gun Sage reminded me of “alignment” this week. And the article’s a good read too.
- Ok, so we see Hall and Waltman sneaking around outside in a parking lot…. Is this funny bad or bad funny. I’m torn, damn nostalgia…. Nonetheless, the run in is not so surprising now. Unless they run into O.T., we got less than 8 minutes to go… Get Angle/Hogan controntation about the nWo jump attack. Hogan denies shit. They argue, but nothing goes down really.
- Foley has the barbed wire bat out, Nash takes the grocery cart with the usual (and hockey stick). A “garbage” match ensues. This is fine by me, since these are rarely on free TV on either brand ofter these days… too bad its TNA booking, both guys are hurting and old, and there’s like no time left in the show.
Charles Barkley @ G: “Oh so you’re saying this is kind of a cock-tease of a match with the rules and the opponents, but really no risks are taken in the “casual garbage” match?
G @ Charles Barkley: “…which allows for the Band to run in… attack Kevin Nash from out of nowhere and beatdown their former ally unexplained… Setting up a Nash and Foley alliance…”
Charles Barkley @ G: “So they built a ‘feud’ and the payoff is some bullshit no DQ hardcore weapons match sans hardcore?”
G @ Charles Barkley: “Yeah pretty much. Shitty, eh? The Band leaves both opponents laid out teasing Nash and Foley to team against Hall/Waltman. It makes sense… ’cause… umm…. I got nothing. At least of the rest of the show was pretty good!”
Charles Barkley @ G: “A Slam Dunk?”
G @ Charles Barkley: “Nope, just okay. The ball hit a funny angle off the rim and buddy had to pick up his rebound for a layup.”
Charles Barkley @ G: “Meh, now I understand why you put “Then we get a brief history between Foley and Nash,” in italics during your review…”
“Way to go Astroboy!”
The Astroboy reference is a tribute to another week discovering the part of the review that didn’t make sense completely, is in honour of an unconnected obscure Astroboy reference!
Tags: action, anderson, angle, astro, barkley, bischoff, charles, flair, foley, hall, hardy, Hogan, kennedy, nash, Nonstop, nWo, russo, styles, swerve, tna, Total, waltman, Wrestling
Very good article. I’ve found your site via Bing and I’m really happy about the information you provide in your posts. Btw your sites layout is really messed up on the Chrome browser. Would be really great if you could fix that. Anyhow keep up the great work!
Awesome TNA recap. Hogan needs to come home to WWE though, so I can watch him. The burn on Adamle was gold, even if he was good on AG back in the day.
Thanks, in hindsight, it was a wee bit sloppy… tried to get this posted ASAP to keep things current. I guess the brain was a bit tired (and drunk) after 13 hours of work Thursday. I doubt Hogan is coming home to WWE anytime soon. However, a lot of pundits and smarks feel Hogan’s track record of quitting on ideas early may end his TNA run as well. Hard to tell.
On a side note, Francisco’s point about the layout is valid. The layout in Opera on Mac OSX is fragmented as well. As far as I know, we are working on a new layout for Wonderboy but currently experiencing some difficulty implementing the design into a wordpress format.
“Easy E comes in, and cuts a little bit were he has no clue who Young is…. a title carrying wrestler…. runs the show, doesn’t know who he is… stupid”
This was totally stupid. How to make the original younger talent look like shit, even if its supposed to be part of Bishofs “bad character” in the show, it just put Young down a notch. Then, they start talking about fucking Durnk out of shape irrelevant Hall and Fag Pac?
Its nice to see Pope getting a title shot, even if he is being a jobber lately.
@Patman – Young (at the time of the pretape) is/was the Global Title Champ too… blows my mind. Considering they are shilling their first European tour, where the Global Title should mean something, yet hardly acknowleding the title nor the champ himself… I know, it is painful booking.
@JCC – BTW, I may be mistaken with the Adamle line. This could have been Taz’s quote (it was a voice over only). Regardless who said it, that was my favorite line of the episode. Adamle was not a bad announcer, he just did not fit the WWE mold since he is ignorant of the product (and might not be used to Vince’s screaming into announcer headsets). To his credit, I loved Adamle’s “Jamaican Me Crazy” for Kofi on the soon-to-be defunct ECW v.2.
@G and Francisco – I use Google Chrome on three different computers with three very different monitor sizes. On all of them, the layout works.
That said, G, you’re indeed right about the new layout thing. If we were a less dynamic site, like the original Nation used to be back in the day (with the old Coranto posting method), it would take some very simple HTML to get it going. But working with a script behind it (which is necessary due to the volume of updates), there’s alot of work involved in making the two compatible.
I am beginning to hate TNA a whole lot, right now.
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